Yesterday I decided to wear a vintage jumpsuit. I have a lot of clothes from my 30 year collection but I can’t remember wearing jumpsuits that much. As soon as I put it on yesterday the reason came back to me tenfold. The definition of a jumpsuit is: “Jumpsuits are generally regarded as a garment of convenience, especially for entertainers, as they are simpler, lighter and more flexible to wear. They have become more of a “put-on-and-remove” garment than an ensemble outfit.” Now, anyone that has worn one knows that’s a big fashion fib— and HOW does one visit the bathroom with dignity?
As soon as I put it on I struggled to attach the lone back neck button which took a good 15 minutes and once I was in; I was not getting out. If you have ever worn a jumpsuit you know the struggle. Toddler overalls often have snaps so you can change their diaper, and last time I looked at the adult jumpsuit there were no snaps. Why not, I asked myself hoping that my inner self would offer some expert advice.
How did we do it in years gone by? Well, one thing we did not have was a 73-year-old aging bladder that insists on being used more frequently. Could I hold it? I knew the answer to that. In the 44 years I have been wearing jumpsuits not one fashion designer has come up with a solution either then pulling the whole shebang down. Not even a fashion urination funnel has been invented to keep in your purse for emergencies. So, it requires some planning and practise. One for the road now means going to the bathroom before you leave the house.
Somehow, I made it through the event as I remembered locks on public doors are never all that they could be–nor are the floors, but that’s another matter entirely. There’s really no avoiding getting full-on naked while doing ones business in a jumpsuit. However, I chose to embrace it as a subversive little act for the day if need be.
A few weeks ago in a store in Perth, someone looked at my hands and asked if I’d been to the doctor to see about my circulation. After a few minutes of panicking and wondering who would sing at my funeral given my untimely blue-handed death I gave them a quick look and almost died seeing how blue my hands were.
Parked outside of the Perth Old Burying Grounds I looked in the car mirror to see if any of the dye was on my face. I shrieked in horror that in exactly 5 minutes I was expected to join a stranger’s family reunion I had been invited to. With the grayish blue dye around my eyes, it was certainly not a good look for a cemetery! With a very used Kleenex from my collection at the bottom of my purse I attempted to get the ‘death warmed over’ look off my face.
Like so many afflictions, ‘dye leak’ doesn’t discriminate by age, location or background and it can strike anyone, at any time. While admittedly, it was probably the poorly dyed black lace jacket caught in the rainstorm that caused my stained hands and stained face. According to adults I know who actually have their head together, the cure for this situation is to wash your garment inside out, three or four times, in cold water. But let’s backtrack for a moment. Three–Or–Four–Times?
How did the colour black turn into navy blue? Seems that good-quality black dyes were not known until the middle of the 14th century — nor in 2024 either. The most common early dyes were made from bark, roots or fruits of different trees; usually the walnut, chestnut, or certain oak trees. The blacks produced were often more gray, brown or bluish. The cloth had to be dyed several times to darken the colour. One solution used by dyers was to add some iron filings, rich in iron oxide, which gave a deeper black. Another was to first dye the fabric dark blue, and then to dye it black.
So, the last sentence says it all. The internet company dyed my fabric dark blue and then black. Combined with a rain storm– it ran all over me as they say. Anyway, it was all fine, and no one thought I had climbed out of any plot in that cemetery. I guess that was a good thing and I will throw out a few fashion tips:
Clothes in style are the clothes that still fit!
If people stare make it worthwhile- I do!!
The Chicken- Just yet another body type that should not wear Yoga Pants.
See you next week!!
lindaseccaspina 