Tag Archives: humour

Signs Signs– Nothing but Roadscape? A Humorous Look at Election Signage

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Signs Signs– Nothing but Roadscape? A Humorous Look at Election Signage

 

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When the leaves begin to float down this year the local campaign signs will begin sprouting in population. It’s also the season when the partisans of various political candidates agonize waaaay too much over who has more lawn signs. In fact some campaigns think of little else but their signs—at the expense of the actual work of winning over voters.

The annual sign routine is predictable:

    • Candidate Joe gets his signs up first, causing the supporters of Candidate Jane to freak out.

 

    • Jane overcompensates by trying to put up twice as many signs as Joe, escalating the sign wars.

 

    • Now it’s Joe’s supporters’ turn to freak out, so Joe orders another 100 signs to catch up, making Joe and Jane roughly even.

 

    • Both teams suddenly realize that if they put TWO signs on each property, it looks like they have double the support! Then they realize that three is better than two. And four is better than three. (Five, however, makes the property owner look crazy.)

 

    • Jane’s cousin gets caught with a trunk load of stolen Joe signs, creating a bunch of bad publicity for Jane.

 

    • Meanwhile, the local zoning enforcement officer (a member of Jane’s campaign committee) decides to enforce a little-known local law, requiring Joe to take down his signs because they are 3.25 inches too tall.

 

After the first week of this annual ritual, voters stop even seeing the signs, as they become just another feature of the roadscape.

Finally, after months of sign wars, your local election occurs. The votes are tallied. Turns out that having more signs had nothing to do with who actually won. The outcome could be predicted as reliably with a coin flip. Because no one—well, almost no one—decides which candidate to support because of a sign. Or do they?  Maybe yes or maybe no… What’s your comment?

 

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Vote for Linda Seccaspina

https://www.facebook.com/Vote-for-Linda-Seccaspina-Carleton-Place-Council-2018-1082255855285857/

 

 

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So What Was That?

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So What Was That?

 

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My friend Jackie Cowan who works with Crew and Media Liaison at Royal Canadian Marine Search & Rescue  in Victoria posted this on her Facebook page and here are some of the answers I got when I posted it on the Lanark County Genealogical Society page.

 

Marty Taylor Well, in Vancouver, it’s a million dollar home.

Teena C North It’s either the Beachcombers or a bad idea!
Patricia M Mason LeducA home made version of a houseboat situated on a floating raft no doubt floated by plastic blue barrels attached underneath the raft. Most likely with straps. Apparently one or more have lost their seal. Looks like it’s going down.

It resembles a few home made swim rafts on our lake.

Anne Newman Broken and sinking?

Come and visit the Lanark County Genealogical Society Facebook page– what’s there? Cool old photos–and lots of things interesting to read. Also check out The Tales of Carleton Place and The Tales of Almonte

  1. relatedreading

The Toni Perm

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The Toni Perm

 

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Sherbrooke Record Cowansville 1959

 

My Grandmother reluctantly began wearing Eva Gabor wigs at the age of 52. Her hair had been badly burned at the hands of a 1940’s salon perm, and her thinning hair failed to cover her bald spots as the year went by. Hence, a different style of Eva graced Mary’s head every few days. But, even with all her hair issues it never stopped her from inflicting Toni home perms on me. There was no talking to my stylist, Grammy Mary Louise Deller Knight. She would adjust her wig from side to side in frustration while she wrapped an old plastic tablecloth around me.

The smell of a Toni Perm still haunts me like it was yesterday. Just seeing the little plastic squeeze bottle coming towards me still gives me nightmares. Did you know there were actually rules and instructions for those perms? My family knew their own version all by heart, as it had been handed down by word of mouth through many generations. I don’t think I can ever forget the words: “Let me know when it starts burning!”

When the timer dinged and the perm was over, the towels were taken out to be boiled in hot water because they smelled. The lingering scent almost rivaled Vick’s Vapor Rub– on the top ten most hated list. Half way through being almost blinded by the smell of rotten eggs and vinegar, Grammy Knight went outside to shake her wig. It seems that her Eva Gabor wig wasn’t that comfy when she was stressed out. I had figured that she was probably reliving her bad perm while she gave me one. I found the word “catastrophe” a perfect description for those constant home perms I was subjected to and her Eva Gabor wig.

 

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In 1961 finally nipped the perm in the bud. When the movie “The Parent Trap” came out, I went to the hairdresser with a picture of Hayley Mills’ pixie cut and said, “Do this!” I was finally sick of feeling like Rapunzel caught in the tower with a head full of fuzz. Hear no perm, speak no perm, and see no perm–evermore!

When I got the Hayley Mills cut I was interrogated by the Lido Hair Salon’s many patrons and hairdressers. They were horrified, it was so short, so I just pretended to be Audrey Hepburn, from “The Nun’s Story,” for the next few months.

Even today I still can’t talk about perms–but worse yet was my grandmother’s constant desire to trim my bangs after. I always ended up  with badly cut bad bangs that were taped down with Scotch Tape with the sweet tang of hairspray in the air. Some say that permanents came a long way in the 50s and 60s, but I would politely like to disagree on that fact. The only thing we got better at was running like the wind when we smelled a whiff of what was coming our way.

 

How to Know if You’re Canadian

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How to Know if You’re Canadian

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1.Finish sentences with “Eh?” It’s not proper English, but somehow, someway, the word eh squeaks in at the end of our sentences. sentences. Some more often than others, but it is one word that identifies Canadians in whatever country they might be in.

2 Know a good brew It’s no secret that most Canadians Canadians love a cold beer on any given day, at any given time, in any given place. Mexico has tequila, Italy has wine, Poland has vodka. We have beer. Even if you don’t drink it, you’ve probably got some in your fridge for all your friends who do.

3 Canadian treats There are a few tasty treats that are truly Canadian. Poutine, ketchup and all-dressed all-dressed all-dressed potato chips, Timbits, Nanaimo bars, smarties and Beaver Tails, a deep-fired deep-fired deep-fired pastry that has been keeping skiers satisfied for decades.

4 Foot accessories Look in the shoe closet and if you find at least three pairs of the following, you’re one tick closer to being a true Canadian: ice skates, sliders or grippers, running shoes, flippers, snowshoes, skis, inline skates, flip-flops, flip-flops, flip-flops, golf shoes, cycling shoes, cozy slippers, hiking boots, snow boots, cleats.

 

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Answer “Yes” to three of the following:

You have more Canadian Tire money in your home than real cash.

You use a tennis ball more for road hockey than tennis.

Your three favourite spices are salt, pepper and ketchup.

You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada,

You dismiss all beers under 6 alcohol as “for children and the elderly.”

 

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You know that a “Premier” isn’t a baby born a few months early. You know that Wayne Gretzky isn’t and never was the prime minister.

You know all the words to “O Canada” and “If I Had a Million Dollars” Dollars” by the Barenaked Ladies.

7 Canadian flags There is one of these tattooed on your body, stuck to the back of your car, ironed onto a backpack, flying in the front yard, on the front or back of a free T-shirt T-shirt T-shirt or baseball hat.

8 Hockey When your team is playing, nothing else matters. Not even sex.

9 Mistaken identity You will do just about anything anything not to be mistake for an American when travelling.

I0  Love thy neighbour–we are more likely to pull out a hockey stick to defend ourselves than a gun.

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Dusty Pettes

Poutine served at the Hortons… how much more Canada can you get? ( Linda says’–I just can’t Dusty– I just can’t LOL)
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Come and visit the Lanark County Genealogical Society Facebook page– what’s there? Cool old photos–and lots of things interesting to read. Also check out The Tales of Carleton Place and The Tales of Almonte

What Almonte Would Like to See in 1892

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What Almonte Would Like to See in 1892

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Bennett Rosamond-www.biographi.ca

April 29, 1892 Almonte Gazette

1-A building boom


2-The Cotton Warp Factory under way

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Almonte Ontario | “Great Falls At Almonte Started Woollen Industry”


3-No. 2 Mill re-opened and worked to its full capacity,
And No. 1 running full time.

(May 6th 1892 update-No. 1 Mill, which has been running four days a week for some time
list, will work six days a week hereafter.)


3-Another fine crop for the farmers.

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The Homestead – a John Dunn story | The Millstone


4-Judge Jamieson receive a good send-off before he leaves town.


5-A street committee that could satisfy all parts of the town in the matter of sidewalks.

 

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Almonte Fair

 

6-The roller mill of W. C. Caldwell, M.P.P., rebuilt at Lanark. It burnt down see–

7-Mr. Rosamond succeed in getting the required bonus for the Carp, Almonte and
Lanark R.R.

 

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Almonte town council-almonte.com

 

8-Warmer weather and some rain.

9-Every wooden house in Almonte painted.

10-That promised mail service from and to Carleton Place.

 

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lindaseccaspina – WordPress.com

 

11-All our merchants have a prosperous summer trade.

12-Everybody who can spare a dollar join the Mechanics’ Institute on or about May 1st.

13-A fine new agricultural hall built this summer, and every man in the North
Riding of Lanark, directly and indirectly interested in agriculture, join the society,
and thus help to pay the debt.

 

Image result for almonte 1892North Lanark Regional Museum–Almonte High School 1919




14-Sunday street comer loafing put an end to–especially around the *People’s store.

15-A town that has better water-power or more natural beauty than itself.

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16-A bylaw passed that will compel those who sell wood to give 128 cubic feet for a
cord.

17-The street sprinkler at work.

 

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The back just says “French movie made in Almonte July/87” Photo Sarah Fourney

Mill Street, Almonte Ontario, Canada, converted to a 1930’s era set for the French Canadian movie “The Revolving Door”

-Nature has done much for the beauty of Almonte. There are few towns
In Eastern Ontario that are as picturesque, and have as many fine views. But the people might do a great deal more to assist (or rather not to thwart) nature.

If more wooden houses were painted, yards kept cleaner and tidier, and every
house fronted by a small flower-patch our town would be admired by all, and it would
help to draw people who wish to retire to settle here. Fix up and brighten your surroundings.

 

historicalnotes

*May 6 1892-Wonder where those loafers were when the fire started? On Tuesday last the People’s Store brick block had a narrow escape from being damaged by fire. The chimney leading from Mrs. Greig’s kitchen stove runs up the wall between her residence and Riddell & Me Adam’s store. Tuesday noon the chimney took fire, and through an imperfectly protected pipe hole in R. & M’s. the flame was communicated to a curtain stretched across it.


Mr. W. A. McLeod happened to be passing at the time. He saw that prompt
action was necessary, and he ran in climbed a step-ladder that was at the right
spot, pulled down the burning curtain and crushed the blaze out of existence
before it had time to spread to the adjoining goods. There was but one clerk
in the store at the time, and he was so busy with a customer that he did not
notice the impending trouble. It was a close shave. Another half-minute and
there would have been plenty of scope for testing the efficacy of the chemical
fire extinguishers that are now being sold in town.

 

Come and visit the Lanark County Genealogical Society Facebook page– what’s there? Cool old photos–and lots of things interesting to read. Also check out The Tales of Carleton Place and The Tales of Almonte

relatedreading

You Can’t Touch This?…Taking the Vanilla Out of History

Why Am I Obsessed with History?

Was it the Germans Or UFO’s that Invaded the Ottawa Valley in 1915?

Putting Brian on the Bus– Stories from my Childhood Noreen Tyers

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Putting Brian on the Bus– Stories from my Childhood Noreen Tyers

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“Putting Brian on the Bus Stories from my Childhood “are always a feel good experience. No, I do not stay in the past, but from time to time something comes up to remind me of my younger years. There were four children in our family and we were all pretty close to each other. It seems to me shared almost everything. We learned to play games and amuse ourselves on rainy days.

My brother the oldest of the four children was the first to go to school, when you all played together, it did make a difference playing games. We soon learned that we could win some of the games we played. He always won, so we adjusted quite well and were happy to be able to achieve success. The following year it was my turn to experience school and the art of learning. This left a sister and brother still at home. Keeping house and doing the cleaning, cooking, washing, and in those days you ironed your clothes and all the other things that a Good Mom did.

My Mom was a Super Mom to me, we came home at lunch to a great meal, and a desert was always part of our lunch, Mom was a good cook and although there was not an abundance of money, we always had wholesome food and good meals. My youngest brother was a very laid back relaxed child and would just do what you told him to and never caused any trouble or complained. He was a child that did enjoy his sleep in the afternoon so this gave mom time to work on things and my younger sister a chance to play on her own.

Next door to us lived a family of three and the youngest boy did not go to school yet and was a play companion to my sister. The father of this family was in the armed forces and was in Europe fighting in World War Two. This family became part of our family and the children were all very close, to us, like added siblings. My sister and her play companion would play for hours. In the mornings my mother was busy with housework so as a result the three played well together.

Now sister dear was always the one to give directions. One day they were looking after their charge and decided that this was no longer fun. They were playing house, Mother, Father and the Baby, my younger brother. Up the street and down a block was where one caught the Bus to go to Ottawa and of course, Rideau Street. Sister was quite familiar with this area as our Dad worked at Charles Ogilvy Department Store. We would go shopping with Mom and this is where the we caught the bus. After looking after my brother for a long time, at least they thought so. They came up with the idea to ship Brian off in the bus. They had raided their piggy bank and got enough for fare. Before long the bus stopped and my sister told the Bus Driver that she wanted to take the bus and he was to let them off at Ogilvys, were Dad was. Both my sister and her companion proceeded to get on the bus with my brother, now all had their bus fare and where ready to get on their way The Bus Driver told them that he could not do it as they were far to young to travel on their own without a parent being with them Some discussion took place and sister was insistent that they could take the bus, after all they had the fare and that was that. The answer was still NO they could not go. Sister replied, we are playing house and I am the mother and I want to take him to Ogilvys.

The bus driver had spent a great deal of time with this little family and was at his wits end for a solution to this problem. Just then a neighbour that lived close by got on the bus. After an explanation of the situation, she decided that to solve the problem she would take all three children home to Mom. When the neighbour left an explanation was given to the children about their adventure and the idea was not a good one, they should have spoken to Mom first.

The poor Bus Driver he had spent quite a bit of time reasoning with the play family and I am sure he would be well behind schedule. There was a discussion at home as sister was still upset with the Bus Driver. It was her believe that she was right and the outcome should have been that the bus ride take place. After all they no longer wanted to have to babysit younger Brother and she was sending him to her Dad. After a talk between my Mom and Dad it was decided that maybe they should call a friend in who was a Police Man and he could stress upon them that the Bus was not the place for young children be on their own. I believe that the babysitting time was cut back and everything seemed to go back to normal. As far as baby brother he never voiced an opinion and he was quite content to sit and watch what was going on, and there were NO MORE BUS RIDES WITHOUT PARENTS.

From the Pen of Noreen April 30th/2018

 

 

Come and visit the Lanark County Genealogical Society Facebook page– what’s there? Cool old photos–and lots of things interesting to read. Also check out The Tales of Carleton Place and The Tales of Almonte

relatedreading

My Childhood Memory of Richard’s Castle –From the Pen of Noreen Tyers of Perth

Grandpa’s Dandelion Wine — From the Pen of Noreen Tyers of Perth

My Wedding Tiara — From the Pen of Noreen Tyers of Perth

The Art of Learning How to Butter Your Toast the Right Way — From the Pen of Noreen Tyers of Perth

Smocked Dresses–From the Pen of Noreen Tyers of Perth

The Kitchen Stool — From the Pen of Noreen Tyers of Perth

The Flying Teeth in Church — From the Pen of Noreen Tyers of Perth

The Writings of Noreen Tyers of Perth

Memories of Grandpa’s Workshop — Noreen Tyers

Cleaning out Grandmas’ Fridge — Noreen Tyers Summer Vacation at Richard’s Castle

My Flower Seeds — From the Pen of Noreen Tyers of Perth

Funny Things I’m Going to Carry in My Royal Wedding Bag –Thanks Scott Henderson!

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Funny Things I’m Going to Carry in My Royal Wedding Bag –Thanks Scott Henderson!

 

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During the Royal Wedding event former Carleton Place resident Scott Henderson was covering it for Bell Media. I have to admit I was “jealous”– as my chances of attending a Royal Wedding are null to void. But, in reality I was thrilled someone I knew was there. That made me happy and I followed his posts. Lo and behold in the mail today I received these Royal Wedding souvenirs from Scott. I was over the moon. Thank you Scott, you went over and beyond. These are really going to be forever cherished!

So what would I do with a Royal Tote bag if I was in England for the wedding? Well here are a few ideas:

 

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Thanks Scott.. I love it!!

 

1-I would carry a Baked Potatoe or two as in Ireland they throw potatoes instead of rice. Let the Hunger Games begin!

2. Slippers- I have always had this thing about bare feet on a floor ( especially pool floors). You never know when you might get athlete’s foot and you have to wonder about strangers feet whenever you visits ‘people’s houses’. Even Buckingham Castle!

3- A Princess Wand–A girl just never knows!! You just can’t afford to lose a single princess point these days! Listen, we can’t be all princesses- someone has to clap when I walk by LOL!

 

 

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From Jay Playfair’s photo album thanks to Middleville historian Laurie Yuill

 

 

4- Spare knickers– you know all that crying and whatever– emotional water overload.

5. Wet Wipes just in case there is a “fish n chips” emergency”!

6. Plastic bags–You never know when these may come in handy, particularly if you get caught in the rain–and it can be rainy in the UK. First aid or a trendy hair tie comes to mind, or even an icing applicator if I get asked to help decorate the Royal cake.

 

 

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7-My fake moustache from the Carleton Place and Beckwith Heritage Museum–Just in case I need a change of identity if I get too close to the Royals.

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8-Dental Floss- which I could use along with fish hooks as a self-defense weapon if I get asked to help Scotland Yard. Run the floss through the hook, then throw the hook towards your opponent (while holding the floss), and then pull him towards you. Hey, that night work nabbing Harry! I mean don’t they look like they need protective help?

 

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9.-A Miralax single-serve packet in case one has trouble pooping on vacation from English Afternoon Tea overload. Because, you just never know when those vacation issues will pop up. Never show up to any event without your crown on and your Miralax!

 

10. I would use this tote to carry this plate I got at the Dollar store..Is it me or  was it a bargain because there was a mistake somewhere?:) This guy pops up all over the place!!

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Come and visit the Lanark County Genealogical Society Facebook page– what’s there? Cool old photos–and lots of things interesting to read. Also check out The Tales of Carleton Place and The Tales of Almonte

Local Folks go to Royal Wedding