“At five a family relative took my life away from me and no one cared. I remember being held on his knee and slowly being fed beer. The taste was sour in my mouth and to this day anytime I smell it I grow cold. I remember the feel of chafed hands and the echoes of dark laughter coming from his mouth. The silent screams still try to exit my mouth every day always followed by immediate darkness.”
Sex for Fritos
Last June Lahoma Sue Smith of Oklahoma pleaded guilty to a prostitution charge for accepting a box of Frito-Lay chips in exchange for oral sex. The 36 year-old “lady of the night” struck a deal with a client who said he was a Frito-Lay employee. The man told police he was having marital problems and knew he could pick up a prostitute but he didn’t have any cash, so she agreed to be paid with a $30 case of Frito-Lay chips he had in the back of his car. Betcha he didn’t just have one!
The box of chips was valued at $30 and she was ordered to pay $1,142 at her sentencing and the jury was heard singing:
“Munch a bunch a
munch a bunch a
munch a bunch of
Fritos go with lunch!”
Orange Cheese Puffs Involved in Domestic Assault
Domestic violence is never pretty, but when a man and woman assault each other with Cheetos, it’s downright crunchy!
Tennessee Police arrested James Earl Taylor, 40, and Mary Childers last June after an argument escalated into a knock down fight. Law enforcement have yet to determine who the main aggressor was, but they’re sure the popular snack food Cheetos was involved in the dispute.
Warrants were filed by Cpl. Kevin Roddy, after he responded to a call at a home on Pass Road, where 40-year-old James Earl Taylor and Mary S. Childers, 44, were allegedly involved in a Flamin’ Hot argument. According to Roddy’s report, the pair became “involved in a screaming match” with each other “at which time Cheetos were used in the assault.”
“There was evidence of the assault,” the report read, “however no physical marks on either party and the primary aggressor was unable to be determined.”
Both Taylor and Childers were charged by Roddy with domestic assault and all of this sounded dangerously hot! After all it ain’t easy being cheezy!
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