My books always include a recipe or two, and the day I found this recipe I was almost arrested by the Vice Squad. I was holding a basic Brownie recipe the whole time while I was arguing with someone who thought he was Serpico.
Why was I arguing with him you ask?
Because, he thought I was letting children play with vibrators.
Was he kidding me?
I may be a few fries short of a Happy Meal sometimes, but that would never happen under my watch.
Flash Cadilac, as most of you remember, had a small naughty novelty section. It wasn’t huge, and maybe all of three shelves in a plexi glass cube that had a lock on it. It was way before it’s time, and I bought everything from a place of ” ill repute” on Canal Street in New York City. It was harmless stuff in those days. A few cheezy gaping mouth rubber dolls, vibrators, creams, and lotions. Nothing like on the scales of today.
A customer of mine got so furious I would not take back a dress she had worn a few times. I told her I would give her a credit, but no refund, as it was ready for the trash. I thought I was being more than fair. So, she did what every other angry customer does. She called the Vice Squad and told them I was allowing children to play with sex toys from the case. Because my store was so eclectic and then there were the assumptions that I was created in hell, they believed her.
A day later after the incident, as I was carrying on a conversation clutching the recipe, a crowd of lumberjack storm troopers came busting through my store looking for the alleged toddlers playing with the battery operated devices. They ravaged the place looking for over an hour. As I stood there arms akimbo wearing a Dolly Parton wig they tried to bust me for a gift box holding a set of gold balls.
Yes, these cracker jacks were mixed up just like I was when I first bought those things. I thought the Harmony Balls were for hand relaxation at first. Then, I was told the hard cold truth, and realized that the strings attached to the balls were not for Eastern peace and tranquility.
So I asked them to show me where Ben Wa Balls were illegal.They couldn’t, so they moved on.
So Francois, as I shall call him, asked me why I was allowing young children to play with the pleasure goods.I began to laugh, and became furious, and said he was seizing everything that looked questionable. For another hour they pillaged every inch. All they could come up with was one lone item. It was a hot pink vibrator that had a bear climbing up a tree. Turned on, the bear went into motion. The rest you can discuss amongst yourselves. He put it barely three inches from my face and said,
“This MADAM will be seized.”
I began to laugh, and told him if he thought that looked like a realistic male penis, then he had an anatomy problem.
Off they went with the contraband vibrator never ever to be seen again. Myself? I went home and made the brownies.
So that’s today’s story girls and boys. The secret to these brownies is two things:
Do not over bake them, and the frosting. Putting the frosting on top of the hot brownies makes it turn to a fudge consistency.
Linda’s Adult Brownies
8 tbsp butter, margarine or whatever you use.
4 ounces of semisweet chocolate coarsely chopped up. I use chocolate chips
2 large eggs at room temperature
Pinch of salt
2/3 cup granulated sugar
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1/2 cup all purpose flour
1 cup chopped walnuts if you want nuts.
Preheat oven to 325 degrees
Lightly grease a ‘square’ pan
I melt the butter in the microwave, but you can also melt the butter in a small sauce pan over low heat.
Next add the chocolate. I take the bowl out of the microwave and add the chips. The I nuke it for 45 seconds. I take it out and stir and voila, they are all melted.
In a large bowl combine the eggs and salt and bet them for 30 seconds.
Gradually add the sugar and continue to beat until light. About a minute or so.
Add the vanilla, the melted chocolate, and butter and beat until smooth.
With a spoon, stir in the flour until just blended. Add the walnuts if you want them and pour into prepared pan.
Bake about 25 minutes.
I wait until they are firm on top, but never crusty and pulling away from the sides of the pans.
Keep them moist people.
4 ounces of chocolate either coarsely chopped or again I use the chocolate chips.
A couple tablespoons of butter or it’s equivalent
1 1/2 cups confectioners sugar
1/4 cup of milk, cream or Carnation Milk and keep adding if needed.
I melt the butter and chocolate the same way as the brownies in the microwave.
You do not want a thick or runny frosting.
Medium consistency, so it flows like lava on the top of the brownies.
When the brownies come out of the oven, immediately put the frosting on top. Yes, Immediately.
You need a few hours for the frosting to set, but it is so worth it.
I also can put peanut butter chips in the batter, and then sub the chocolate chips in the frosting for the peanut butter ones for a sort of peanut butter cup brownie also shown in the picture.
But those are only for a real sweet tooth as they are very sweet, but still luscious.