Dedicated to Those That Were Once a Keane Big Eyed Kid

Years ago I was asked to write a piece for someone’s daughter. She had just adopted her and wanted to have a box of letters from different authors that she could open years later. So I decided to write about being yourself. I just found it last night. Someone out there today needs to read this.

Linda

“Dedicated to all those young and old who have tried to fit in, succumbed to peer pressure or have been bullied.”

Once upon a time there was a little girl called ME. All she ever wanted was for people to accept her.

“Do anything to survive, the inner brain said. Just be what people want you to be.”

So ME listened to her inner brain, and tried to grasp at any form of attention she could get. One thing ME had in her though was love, and compassion for her fellow man. No one could take that away from her, nor would she let them, no matter how hard they tried.

So as ME got older she bought way too many clothes, and was always “on stage” so to speak. She was not who she really was, but people did not know differently. They liked ME a lot, and ME thought if she introduced her real self to people they might not like her. She honestly felt for a great many years that she just could not take that chance. After all, it was all about love and being accepted.

Years passed, and ME grew unhappier by the day. She had two rooms of “foliage”, and all the clothes, hats, and accessories in the world still made her hate herself. ME began to acquire horrible traits, like terrible eating disorders. Wallis Simpson once said,

“You can neither be too rich or too thin,” and people believed her.

ME got into a lot of trouble trying to be thin, and for decades she was killing herself trying to be something she could never be. She honestly thought that if she could be thin people would like her. No, they would  love her!

After years of having all the money in the world to purchase new clothes, and being somebody she was not, she lost it all. Suddenly ME started to become something she had never been.

HERSELF!

HERSELF had always been there, deep down, but had never been introduced to anyone. Suddenly HERSELF was forced out into the open, gasping for air like a newborn. People did not like HERSELF. She was plain, and overweight, but  she still held the kindness she always had in her heart. They just could not accept HERSELF, as she wasn’t the shining ruby ME was.

HERSELF was gaining inner power everyday, and suddenly she did not need to be thin, nor have fancy clothes to be HERSELF.  Of course HERSELF has little these days, nor does she want things. After all, if you have nothing, you do not look for anything. She no longer needs these things for people to like her as HERSELF. She just keeps the people around her that love her for being what she is.

When some people question where ME has gone to, she smiles, and shrugs her shoulders. HERSELF is finally HERSELF, and no one is ever going to take that power away again. After all, “its all about ME” has been finally been dead and buried, and what is it really all about ?
BEING YOURSELF!

Claudia Radmore photo at the CP LIbrary

 

You Can’t Go Back to Wonderland

When I was 12,  life felt like an eternity and I thought I would never be 16. At the age of 16 I thought becoming 21 might better suit my needs and everything whizzed by after that. The passing years became like a spinning record on my father’s old Hi Fi. The first few songs went by slowly and suddenly the record was playing the last track. I can’t remember when I realized my childhood was over. One day it felt like it was no longer a long summer break, but more of a continuous flow of time. 

Legally I have been an adult for what seems an eternity now. I have a car and I’ve voted in many an election. I pay taxes, but still don’t know how to change a tire and hook up a computer. But, I have always insisted in being kind and try not to let others determine how I feel about my life.

How many of us look back sometimes, wondering where it all went?  If we could just go back, one more time, and have a taste of that pure childhood carelessness — then we would be finally happy. But, we can’t, as no one ever can.

I still miss the times when life wasn’t so serious and the ability to slip immediately between reality and make believe was instantaneous. Some are willing to spend their entire adult life working in order to regain that feeling, if only for a little while. As adults, there’s always something down the line to do, or worry, or stress about. As a child this doesn’t exist, and the weightlessness of literally having no responsibilities is just all an endless summer.

I miss the innocence, as it just doesn’t come around anymore.