Written in 2014
This was a parody I wrote in 2014 when American customs stopped Brandon Loo and Christopher Sweeney, both of Seattle, who had picked up some Kinder Eggs in Vancouver.
Yesterday the Easter Bunny was apprehended by the border patrol in Ogdensburg NY. The furry rascal was attempting to bring over 10,000 Kinder Eggs in anticipation of Easter morning. The US has had a ban on candies with embedded toys since 1938, and although they are illegal it does not stop citizens regularly attempting to smuggle samples into the country despite a potential fine of up to $2,500 per egg.
Kinder Eggs are extremely popular in America yet they are treated as contraband on par with Cuban rum. Customs and Border Protection seized over 25,000 Kinder Eggs last year.There are a few remaining illegal suppliers of Kinder Surprise Eggs in the US, but customs agents working the Canadian border have been alerted to the ever-popular “Kinder smuggling”.
The Easter Bunny had not heard about Brandon Loo and Christopher Sweeney, both of Seattle, who had picked up some Kinder Eggs in Vancouver before heading back south without realizing they were illegal. Their six egg stash was found during a routine inspection of their car by border police and confiscated.
“Are you aware Kinder Eggs are illegal in the United States and carry a $2,500 fine per egg?” a border agent asked the Easter Bunny.
“Does that mean fortune cookies are illegal? Am I missing something?” asked the Easter Bunny.
“You can bring your drugs, you can bring your guns, hell you can even try to smuggle your buddies. But, we put our foot down when it comes to a milk chocolate egg with a toy inside.” said the agent.
The Easter Bunny put on a stern face and said, “Remember when parents raised kids with half a brain? They told them not to put things in their mouths, and kids became smart enough to know food from toys. Now, everything has to be banned so parents won’t have to pay too much attention to their kids.”
“Well, we are working with a company out of New Jersey called Choco Treasure to facilitate the Kinder Egg”, said the agent.
“Do they have small ingenious toys in there you can assemble?” asked the Easter Bunny.
“No, there are just stickers”, said the officer.
Bunny shook his head and said, “Brilliant entrepreneur finds loophole; sells plastic bags for infants to play with. If Monsanto made it, I’m sure it would get a pass from the FDA.”
“As long as no one messes with my Little Debby Cakes, I’m not concerned”, said the agent.