What Does your Dog’s Sleeping Position Mean?

My German Shepherd Axel is a great dog and would do anything for me. Anytime I have needed comfort he has brought his huge head over to me to pat, and pat, and yes, pat some more. He is quiet, does not get underfoot, and most importantly loves watching Downton Abbey with me. I see his eyes look at me in love, or is that bewilderment, as I clumsily attempt to play the theme song on the piano.

However, he does have his moments, and I remember the day I trained him to sleep next to my bed. I should have remembered the words “old dogs don’t learn new tricks” as the morning after I felt like I had been up with a colicky infant all night.

Yeti at the Carleton Place and Beckwitch Heritage Museum’s Puppy Walk– August 2015

Maybe Cosmopolitan Magazine can help me decipher his late night movements. I mean how different can he be than a human male? Maybe, I should not pursue this.

Personality Profiles of Male Sleeping Positions:

On His Back:
His Personality Profile: His open posture shows that he’s secure and optimistic. Pay attention to where he positions his arms and hands. If they’re behind his head, which is known as the king’s pose, it’s likely he has a vain streak.

Axel laid on his back for about 15 minutes and put his paws up above his head. He had no vain streak, nor was he secure. He was just optimistic he was going to hog the whole bed.

Arrow waiting patiently for the “Bad to the Bone” puppy tour to begin!

Thrashing Around:
His Personality Profile: While it’s common to shift throughout the night — most people do it about 35 times — constant movement indicates your guy is stressed. 

Well if constant movement means he’s stressed, Axel needs a boatload of Valium. Instead of sleeping through the night, he thought it was the perfect time to insist that I accompany him downstairs for a drink. Maybe a quick run outside at 2:14 and 4:41 am would be appropriate also. I could not say no to someone jabbing his rather large nose in my face a dozen times.
On His Side:
His Personality Profile: This is actually the most common position, and men who snooze this way tend to be laid-back and quick to compromise. “It’s the most flexible pose possible,” explains Dr. Dunkell.

At 4:30 am I firmly insisted he sleep on the floor where he proceeded to expel a lot of gas. I silently wondered if an interior fan without a window open was going remove the scent of corn-fed gas in the morning. What if it knocked me out before daylight broke?

                                                               Butcher” Bill Bennett from Carleton Place

One of the Schwerdtfeger sisters (Hazel? or Gladys?) poses in the snow with her dog Perky in front of their home at 68 Lake Avenue West sometime in the 1960’s.

Cosmo asks: What does the “sleeps on the couch” position mean?

It means the dog isn’t happy next to you, and thinks a spot on the leather couch might help his sleep. It also means that he is immediately marched downstairs as soon as daylight breaks to where he normally makes his bed. Both of us will be sleeping in our assumed positions tonight.

Me? I’m still sleeping….

Update… he sleeps right next to me every single night. He defies Cosmopolitan’s thinking. No word on male humans though.:)

Photos from the Carleton Place and Beckwith Heritage Museum

Buy Linda Secaspina’s Books— Flashbacks of Little Miss Flash Cadilac– Tilting the Kilt-Vintage Whispers of Carleton Place and 4 others on Amazon or Amazon Canada or Wisteria at 62 Bridge Street in Carleton Place

Should Magazines be Covered Up at Our Local Walmart?

I don’t know about you, but I find the tabloid material at the retail store checkouts quite insulting to the female intelligence. Now, because of cleavage-bearing cover models and sexy content, some major U.S. retailers are now covering up Cosmopolitan magazine. Following pressure from an advocacy group that claims the publication is too sexy for the general public’s eyes the stores are bowing to pressure.

That’s right, Cosmopolitan, the same magazine that tells a woman she’s never good enough. Between you and me and the K-Y massage oil they sell at Walmart, Cosmo is way behind the times. In fact it’s often ridiculously backward in terms of its advice to women—and it’s hardly pornography. American chains Rite Aid Pharmacy, and Walmart in the U.S. are all vowing to shield Cosmo’s racy headlines. If that’s the case, then they had better cover up the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue as well when it comes out every year.

Three American chains are now going to keep Cosmo’s racy headlines from shoppers eyes. Walmart Canada, however, is keeping the magazine out in the open. Why is the Canadian policy different? Walmart Canada and Walmart U.S. are run as separate businesses focused on customer needs in each market. In layman’s terms? Canadians aren’t dumb enough to call a magazine “porn” just because it is in poor taste.

Maybe it could be the new Ontario student education sex guide? Think of the money the government could have saved by just subscribing every kid to the magazine.

Personally, I think those hunting magazines with dead animals on the cover are more objectionable. But the difference is—-I don’t expect the rest of the world to bow to my whim. Why don’t we let the buying public decide what should be censored or not?

That being said, it’s always sad to watch the US go completely bonkers over the slightest suggestions of sexuality in magazines, on TV, or in movies. Yet they have no problem with sexualized child pageants, and incredibly graphic violence on television. Mass shootings are now entertainment on cable news, and porn is a sin, go figure.

Putting moral issues aside for a moment, do you think that any magazine should create grief for retailers who will now have to deal with public opinion both pro and con coming from his/her customers? I’m not sure that the hassle will be worth it to them.

If these people are so concerned about porn, why aren’t they advocating a ban on the internet? Are magazines where youth now go to look for porn? Better be careful next time you walk into the Watertown Walmart. We might not be allowed in the store as we might be too sexy for our own good.

My Dog Does Not Read Cosmopolitan – Zoomer

 

My Dog Does Not Read Cosmopolitan – Zoomer.