Cancer Always Calls Collect – Part 2 – Dear Santa – written in 2012
I saw a Dear Santa mail box today and decided I might as well write a letter. I am looking for a miracle and maybe the spirit of Christmas will help me. I never thought I would be doing this again. Who knew I would be hand-holding someone else through chemo and watching the dark cloud of cancer hanging over another member of my family.
Everyone looks at me like the wide-eyed faces of a Keane painting, thinking that I can provide the answers and a cure. We all know that sometimes miracles happen, and sometimes they don’t. Some days are good, and some days go by slowly as the fatigue sets in and he realizes that he is fighting cancer.
He was always a winner, yet life is now denying him, which is harder to digest than the food he sometimes painfully consumes. His eyes lack light, and sometimes flashes of anger fill the room. He has become a shell of what he once was. We both know the odds, and he quietly says if he survives all of this it is because of me and how I have taken care of him.
Once again they all think I can provide positive results and I silently shake my head. Through the years I have felt it was always my fault, but if he dies will it be upon my shoulders once again? All I can do is provide what I know – love, compassion and a lot of hard work. We all know that’s not enough, and if I fail what will I tell the others? My stomach rolls and fear sets into every vein of my body. No one seems to understand how accountable I feel, and quickly I push the thoughts under the nearest invisible rug.
I know Santa does not exist but I will write the letter anyway, because I need hope. I am not and cannot be the answer – after all I’m only human.
So how can you remember those who have passed, and those who have survived? What would make a wonderful gift?
Mystic’s Haven and Valley Granite and Tile have teamed up for a CANCER FUNDRAISER! For every wine glass, coffee mug or beer mug, $8 from each item is going to the Cancer Society. Each item sells for $15 each. You can have them personalized and your choice of ribbon color! Stop in to Valley Granite & Tile to order your glass!!
Someone will love you for this perfect gift. Trust me!