I used to make up events that never happened in the Looking Back column in the Almonte Gazette. One example (which i used the language of the day) went as followed:
I filled the looking back column with impossible events that never happened in the spring of ‘95. It was my private joke.
Hmm, i bought up the reserve copies of my old work, i think it remains on film though..that was the first issue page when i joined as co op student…the date..i cant quite see it but it looks like it says March 8 1996. I thought it was ‘95
Ryland Coyne, June Dalgity, Lois Tuffin, they were my bosses…they were soooo looking forward to my leaving.
A most grievous incident occurred at the home of mr. and Mrs. A. S. Hare. Mrs. Hare was bathing in the washroom as Mr. Hare took care of repairing a picture frame, when his poundings on the wall in the room opposite, as he removed from the wall a miscreant nail, knocked the electric heater from its perch on a shelf into the tub with Mrs. Hare, thus electrocuting her.
Mrs. Hare was interred this Saturday last in the Auld Kirk Cemetery.
I wrote this one I remember Mr and Mrs. James Ekhardt had a fire at the home, the women and children sheltered in the basement preservation room. Mr Ekhardt arrived on the scene and gallantly took to battling the blaze, and getting to the preservation room just as the flames had reached his loved ones, he picked up a bucket and hurled its liquid contents into the fire which had caught onto Mrs. Eckhardt and the childrens clothes. Unfortunately the contents of the bucket was gasoline.
March 26 1986
Hint to butter makers — A frog fell into a pail of milk in a Connecticut town lately, and in the morning was found sitting upon a roll of butter. A local paper says that “ the sole explanation is that in trying to extricate himself he had, by diligent and continuous strokes of his hind legs he, churned the milk into*
butter.”–March 26, ,1886
May 21 1886
Mr R Tilson set thirteen eggs under his favourite goose and they all produced a gosling except one the shell of which was broken. Inside, a gosling was found which had four legs, four eyes, two beaks and one wing. The little thing was alive for over an hour.
An exchange tells of a bear killed in Renfrew Co. lately that was “ II feet high.” The proof-reader must have been pretty high too–
A Peterborough man dislocated his shoulder polishing his boots- His wife expressed herself as being entirely devoid of sympathy for him,saying he should not undertake to do such work as belonged to her department. This should prove a warning to men.