Years ago I never thought that I would come to this point in my life. Sleeping in my Grandmother’s bedroom as a teen, I gagged looking at the glass of water containing her upper dentures sitting beside the bed. It didn’t matter that at age 15 in the 60s my overbite was so bad that the local dentist decided to pull out the protruding front teeth and gave me a tiny dental plate. Those were the days when the dentist office looked like a torture chamber and he would promise us all a lollipop if we didn’t scream during the drilling.
Life wasn’t so bad with the small false tooth plate, and it didn’t interrupt my life much — except during one day in Montreal. The sandwich bread they were serving at the Simpson’s Sears lunch counter was just too soft. Somehow when I put my sandwich down the gentleman sitting next to me had to mention that the tiny false tooth plate was stuck to my sandwich.
Years progressed, and there was still little change in my dental features and by this time Grammy had her top and bottom dentures in that same glass. You know you are really old when you and your teeth don’t sleep together anymore! I vowed this would never happen to me until one day my dentist told me my gums were so infected that most of my teeth would have to come out and be replaced by capped teeth.
Well, that was 30 years ago, and the price has gone up three fold for dental care, so as parts of my mouth hardware fall apart like a Lego set, I am holding on to what I have with great care. This has never happened to me before. Well, maybe one time, and it wasn’t exactly my teeth.
I was asked to make and serve Simnel cake one Mothering Sunday after the church service. I had just gotten my first nose stud put in that week, and it was becoming loose, and looking a tad infected. After I served the fifth piece of cake, an old man came up to me with a big smile wearing a thick wool allergy ridden sweater. I began to sneeze, and then I let one out that was nothing short of gale force. You can all guess what happened next. That little rhinestone nose stud took one giant leap for mankind, right across the front of the church. I didn’t falter, I did not sway, but I did let out a scream that was heard into the heavens.
“Don’t anyone move!” I yelled. I have lost my nose stud, and no more cake until it’s found!”
The strange part is no one blinked an eye, just like when my teeth fall out. Immediately they looked down and tried to find it. One little old lady started picking at something with her cane and said,
“Is this it dear?” and she started to giggle.
She took her cane and launched the nose stud across the rug in one fell swoop like she was trying to get a hole in one. I grabbed it, smiled, and resumed the serving of the Simnel Cake. So this exact scenario happened to me last week– without the cake and the nose piercing.
When I woke up last Sunday my front teeth cap (6 teeth) were missing. I usually poligrip them down but my son’s dog was visiting for the week and I forgot. Immediately, I look at the 28 pound French Bulldog sleeping next to my head and assume the worst. Am I going to have to follow her around looking for evidence of my lost teeth? Did she gobble them up like candy? I was able to wear a mask for a town event and not look like Ma Kettle until my husband could come home and help me look.
I did everything known to man to try and find those teeth and I religiously followed Bella outside, each time hoping I might see them in some deposit in the grass. It wasn’t until hubby came home that I let him take over and within an hour he had found them. So where were they?They had rolled off the bed into the tiny waste basket.
Now they are glued in and I think I will have no more worries until I have to blow out the 71 candles on my birthday cake next year. I think I should look into the whereabouts of a tooth fairy as soon as possible for extras. Does anyone know if she delivers? Does she take cash or Paypal? After all-Dentists are medical professionals who help you put your money where your mouth is.