Thirty five years ago I delivered a ten pound male child. There isn’t a month that doesn’t go by that I don’t remind him, like Beverley Goldberg, that I was in labour for 28 and one half hours. What did I get from that day in August of 1985 besides a beautiful healthy baby boy? Well, the next day the top of my left foot became very puffy and has remained that way for 35 years. The nurse said not to worry at the time because it was only postpartum fluid swelling– and it would go away. Well that fluid, brought its home furnishings and plants and has squatted on top of my foot since that day in 1985.
Anytime I buy shoes the right foot takes a size 9, and the other foot needs the shoebox the pair came in. I wore trendy heels every day of my life until that day, and now when I find shoes that fit I buy what they have in my size. Don’t even talk to me about boots.
Last year I walked into Walmart on a quest for comfy shoes. Instead, I purchased two pairs of high heel shoes that cost only $5.00 each. I was thrilled when I tried them on and vowed to wear them everyday for one hour until I got used to them.The next day I donned the leopard 4 inch heels trimmed in red and walked from the car to the row of grocery carts. By aisle two I was hanging over the cart to support myself and my feet were now in excruciating pain.
A farmer in overalls was also checking out my shoes and followed me to aisle four pretending to buy peaches. He returned a few times still eyeing the shoes, and I don’t think I ever realized the power of heels in a rural area. I paid for the groceries and literally crawled back to the car in pain. As soon as I sat in the car I ripped them off, and the feeling of relief was much like being constipated and then having it all disappear.
I gave away my last pair of leopard stilettos to a friend of mine after keeping them in my closet for five years. They had thin gold heels, and the suede was soft as silk, and they had only been worn once for about 8 minutes. Placing them on my feet as I sat on the couch at a monthly church lady meeting; I gingerly walked over for tea with a performance worthy of an Academy Award. The ladies marveled at how I had walked in them all day and I never acknowledged anything different. What a shoe Oscar moment that was, and really it wasn’t the place to fib at a church meeting.
Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz proved shoes on a gal’s feet can change your life, and Cinderella made a point that just one shoe can procure you a Prince Charming. So, now I have come up with some excuses when my shoes really don’t match my eccentric clothes.
I tell folks I am afraid of heights so I wear lower heels. Well, let’s just say I am just one step closer to Velcro shoes. Cowboys die with their boots on and I am just going to die comfortably with my flats. Life is always full of interruptions and complications isn’t it?:)