Reflections of How I Used to Be….

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Reflections of How I Used to Be….

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Two small mirrors hang precariously on what was once my oldest son’s bedroom bookcase. These mirrors that are still loosely taped with Scotch Tape will never be removed as a long as I am alive as they were memories of comfort for my son. Just two very small mirrors held peace and tranquility as their reflection revealed to him things that might go bump in the night as a child. After all, life is only a reflection of what we allow ourselves to see.

Each morning I have looked in the bathroom mirror and seen the same face I have recognized all my life. Only when I take a selfie do I realize that some where in that mirrored reflection lies wrinkles, worry lines and the aftermath of years gone by that I don’t see.  Would I give it all back for a chance to start over and rewrite an ending or two for the girl I once knew in the mirror? Do I miss the person I used to be and used to look at?

When I was a child I told the mirror I wanted to be many things: a social worker, (would have brought everyone home) a doctor, (squeamish at the sight of blood) and a rock star (can’t sing). Then I really tried to have an easy life after many ups and downs and decided it would be better just to be strong, so I’ve had my reflective routines down for years.

The problem with getting older is you still remember how things used to be when you once looked in the mirror. Some days it was distorted and the reflection told you survival was not going to be easy– and maybe you just couldn’t run up that hill anymore. Because of a lonely childhood I used to think the worst thing in the world was to end up seeing just my reflection alone in that mirror. Maybe I just expected too much. In all honesty I really don’t understand the conflicting reflections I see in this world and still choose to remain quite naive. Some days I get banged up emotionally and hold myself hostage because that’s who I am and don’t face the fact that not everyone is meant to stay in your life.

Is there a point where you begin to give things up and not look at them anymore? Can I die while I still remember who I am –and who I used to be in that reflection? As Winnie the Pooh once said– “I used to believe in forever, but forever is too good to be true, so remember how far you’ve come, not how far you have to go”. I will never regret being that once younger, now older, face in the mirror because it made me who I am at this very point in time. I chose who I wanted to be and look back at the former reflections and finally realize what is now present and coming in that mirror can be so much better than what is gone. The mind always replays what the heart cannot delete– but some days it feels like I’m walking on broken glass–dangerous with sharp edges, but I am not going to hurt myself putting it all back together, as it can be all swept away and forgotten.

I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take
When people run in circles it’s a very very
Mad world, mad world

Information where you can buy all Linda Seccaspina’s books-You can also read Linda in The Townships Sun andScreamin’ Mamas (USA)

Come and visit the Lanark County Genealogical Society Facebook page– what’s there? Cool old photos–and lots of things interesting to read. Also check out The Tales of Carleton Place.

relatedreading

What Becomes of a Broken Heart?

And Suddenly I Became Sad for NO Reason at All….

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About lindaseccaspina

Before she laid her fingers to a keyboard, Linda was a fashion designer, and then owned the eclectic store Flash Cadilac and Savannah Devilles in Ottawa on Rideau Street from 1976-1996. She also did clothing for various media and worked on “You Can’t do that on Television”. After writing for years about things that she cared about or pissed her off on American media she finally found her calling. She is a weekly columnist for the Sherbrooke Record and documents history every single day and has over 6500 blogs about Lanark County and Ottawa and an enormous weekly readership. Linda has published six books and is in her 4th year as a town councillor for Carleton Place. She believes in community and promoting business owners because she believes she can, so she does.

4 responses »

  1. Once I filled this new prescription for glasses, and put them on to see things in more detail, I saw that the mirror image could sometimes shock me. But as they say, no good alternative to getting older. So we make the best of it. We have gained in wisdom and experience, and that is all for the good. We have learned to stretch ourselves, to grow more, and be more accepting of things. All good.

    Liked by 1 person

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