Group Hanky Panky in Perth? NOOOOO!

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Perth Courier 1888

Mrs. Tufts, inmate of the dwelling in which the late “Yankee Brown” died and Tim Ryan, who assisted to shape and dress the remains say that there is no truth in the report current that the house was made hideous by the alleged orgies and scandalous actions of certain persons in town.


I find it hard to believe there was “group hanky panky” in proper Perth back in those days. For the love of all things human, how people love to talk– and still talk. I don’t think Perth even engaged in the Spring festivals with wild dancing and where sausages played an important part. But, that was the 5th century, and Perth wasn’t really around then was it?

Of course they could have participated in the village Maypole sensual dancing around that phallic symbol. As legend goes, once the frenzied la-de-da dancing was over they “retired” to the fields and open meadows to insure the fertility of the land.  Personally, I believe that some how the terrain of Lanark County would not be comforting to those that “wanted to entertain” for the prosperous yields of the crops.  Of course it must be remembered that the Puritans in jolly old England made Maypoles illegal in 1644.

How would one honestly keep tabs on wind patterns inside such a bawdy house in Perth? It was well known that if Victorians wanted “strapping children” they must ‘begat when the wind is blowing north’. No mention was made about the easterly wind, and really it sounds like Mrs. Tufts was not bothered one iota about the matters of the utmost importance of the human race. It also appears to the novice mind that if ten maidens came out of that house of ill repute in Perth- nine of them came out with child. But, that my friends is just my personal opinion.

It has been recorded that the Victorians loved their sordid literature, and one might think with the quaint bookstores in the town of Perth– there was a market. Well, at least willing to read about the mass orgies, but in reality they lived in squares and thought in triangles, and drew the line at what was reported in the Perth Courier.

As the parody book called:  ‘Instruction and Advice for the Young Bride’ by Ruth Smythers wrote on the “Conduct and Procedure of the Intimate and Personal Relationships of the Marriage State for the Greater Spiritual Sanctity of this Blessed Sacrament and the Glory of God” in 1894:

“Give little, give seldom, and above all, give grudgingly!”

Or in laymen’s terms:


“Just close your eyes and think of England.”

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Buy Linda Secaspina’s Books— Flashbacks of Little Miss Flash Cadilac– Tilting the Kilt-Vintage Whispers of Carleton Place and 4 others on Amazon or Amazon Canada or Wisteria at 62 Bridge Street in Carleton Place

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About lindaseccaspina

Linda Knight Seccaspina was born in Cowansville, Quebec about the same time as the wheel was invented and the first time she realized she could tell a tale was when she got caught passing her smutty stories around in Grade 7 at CHS by Mrs. Blinn. When Derek "Wheels" Wheeler from Degrassi Jr. High died in 2010, Linda wrote her own obituary. Some people said she should think about a career in writing obituaries. Before she laid her fingers to a keyboard, Linda owned the eclectic store Flash Cadilac and Savannah Devilles in Ottawa from 1976-1996. After writing for years about things that she cared about or pissed her off she finally found her calling. Is it sex drugs and rock n' roll you might ask? No, it is history. Seeing that her very first boyfriend in Grade 5 (who she won a Twist contest with in the 60s) is the head of the Brome Misissiquoi Historical Society and also specializes in local history back in Quebec, she finds that quite funny. She writes every single day and is also a columnist for Hometown News and Screamin's Mamas. She is a volunteer for the Carleton Place and Beckwith Heritage Museum, an admin for the Lanark County Genealogical Society Facebook page, and a local guest speaker. She has been now labelled an historian by the locals which in her mind is wrong. You see she will never be like the iconic local Lanark County historian Howard Morton Brown, nor like famed local writer Mary Cook. She proudly calls herself The National Enquirer Historical writer of Lanark County, and that she can live with. Linda has been called the most stubborn woman in Lanark County, and has requested her ashes to be distributed in any Casino parking lot as close to any Wheel of Fortune machine as you can get. But since she wrote her obituary, most people assume she's already dead. Linda has published six books, "Menopausal Woman From the Corn," "Cowansville High Misremembered," "Naked Yoga, Twinkies and Celebrities," "Cancer Calls Collect," "The Tilted Kilt-Vintage Whispers of Carleton Place," and "Flashbacks of Little Miss Flash Cadilac." All are available at Amazon in paperback and Kindle. Linda's books are for sale on Amazon or at Wisteria · 62 Bridge Street · Carleton Place, Ottawa, Canada, and at the Carleton Place and Beckwith Heritage Museum · 267 Edmund Street · Carleton Place, Ottawa, Canada--Appleton Museum-Mississippi Textile Mill and Mill Street Books and Heritage House Museum and The Artists Loft in Smith Falls.

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