Group Hanky Panky in Perth? NOOOOO!




Perth Courier 1888

Mrs. Tufts, inmate of the dwelling in which the late “Yankee Brown” died and Tim Ryan, who assisted to shape and dress the remains say that there is no truth in the report current that the house was made hideous by the alleged orgies and scandalous actions of certain persons in town.

I find it hard to believe there was “group hanky panky” in proper Perth back in those days. For the love of all things human, how people love to talk– and still talk. I don’t think Perth even engaged in the Spring festivals with wild dancing and where sausages played an important part. But, that was the 5th century, and Perth wasn’t really around then was it?

Of course they could have participated in the village Maypole sensual dancing around that phallic symbol. As legend goes, once the frenzied la-de-da dancing was over they “retired” to the fields and open meadows to insure the fertility of the land.  Personally, I believe that some how the terrain of Lanark County would not be comforting to those that “wanted to entertain” for the prosperous yields of the crops.  Of course it must be remembered that the Puritans in jolly old England made Maypoles illegal in 1644.

How would one honestly keep tabs on wind patterns inside such a bawdy house in Perth? It was well known that if Victorians wanted “strapping children” they must ‘begat when the wind is blowing north’. No mention was made about the easterly wind, and really it sounds like Mrs. Tufts was not bothered one iota about the matters of the utmost importance of the human race. It also appears to the novice mind that if ten maidens came out of that house of ill repute in Perth- nine of them came out with child. But, that my friends is just my personal opinion.

It has been recorded that the Victorians loved their sordid literature, and one might think with the quaint bookstores in the town of Perth– there was a market. Well, at least willing to read about the mass orgies, but in reality they lived in squares and thought in triangles, and drew the line at what was reported in the Perth Courier.

As the parody book called:  ‘Instruction and Advice for the Young Bride’ by Ruth Smythers wrote on the “Conduct and Procedure of the Intimate and Personal Relationships of the Marriage State for the Greater Spiritual Sanctity of this Blessed Sacrament and the Glory of God” in 1894:

“Give little, give seldom, and above all, give grudgingly!”

Or in laymen’s terms:

“Just close your eyes and think of England.”





Buy Linda Secaspina’s Books— Flashbacks of Little Miss Flash Cadilac– Tilting the Kilt-Vintage Whispers of Carleton Place and 4 others on Amazon or Amazon Canada or Wisteria at 62 Bridge Street in Carleton Place

About lindaseccaspina

Before she laid her fingers to a keyboard, Linda was a fashion designer, and then owned the eclectic store Flash Cadilac and Savannah Devilles in Ottawa on Rideau Street from 1976-1996. She also did clothing for various media and worked on “You Can’t do that on Television”. After writing for years about things that she cared about or pissed her off on American media she finally found her calling. She is a weekly columnist for the Sherbrooke Record and documents history every single day and has over 6500 blogs about Lanark County and Ottawa and an enormous weekly readership. Linda has published six books and is in her 4th year as a town councillor for Carleton Place. She believes in community and promoting business owners because she believes she can, so she does.

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