Tales of the Queen’s Underwear and all those “Accidents”

 

The Queen’s drawers were for sale on Ebay and they could be yours for an opening bid of $3,000. The famous late Miami playboy “Baron” Joseph de Bicske Dobronyi, now known for possession of the royal panties, was once famous for allowing scenes from the 1972 Deep Throat to be shot in his Miami mansion.

Sepy, as he was known to his close pals died last June and his estate is now auctioning off the drawers after they were left on a private plane when the Queen dropped in on Chile in 1968. On May 22,2012 they sold for US $18,101.00 with a shipping price of $59.95.

When I was folding my laundry today, I thought about my grandmother, and her complete insanity on the subject of clean underwear. Mary had a daily ritual of asking me about the condition of my underwear in the same breath as the daily weather report.

I would look at her calmly, and just roll my eyes.

“What if you get into an accident?” she would always ask, like world peace depended upon it.

Now, let’s discuss this logically.

Let’s say you do get into an accident, God forbid. Does Nurse Jackie refuse you at Emergency for having skid marks ? Do the gynecologists have a long coffee break to discuss the variety of underpants they have seen all day long?  Do they prefer granny panties or thongs?

Who invented those embroidered Monday to Sunday panties? Did you actually wear the one marked Monday on a Monday? Or did you wear the Monday on a Wednesday and did it really have some deep meaning that we did not know about?  If you did get into that accident and were lying on a hospital table, would someone tell you quietly that you were wearing the wrong day of the week?

 

At age 6 I got hit by a car while waving to my mother crossing the street, and I can still see the fins on the back of the car today. I woke up on the living room couch with Grampy Crit handing me a Illustrated Classics comic book called  ‘The Story of Jesus.’  My grandfather asked my mother if I was okay.

My mother said,

“I think so, but I am so worried she didn’t have clean underwear on. We don’t want the town to talk you know.”