Tales of the Queen’s Underwear and all those “Accidents”

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The Queen’s drawers were for sale on Ebay and they could be yours for an opening bid of $3,000. The famous late Miami playboy “Baron” Joseph de Bicske Dobronyi, now known for possession of the royal panties, was once famous for allowing scenes from the 1972 Deep Throat to be shot in his Miami mansion.

Sepy, as he was known to his close pals died last June and his estate is now auctioning off the drawers after they were left on a private plane when the Queen dropped in on Chile in 1968. On May 22,2012 they sold for US $18,101.00 with a shipping price of $59.95.

When I was folding my laundry today, I thought about my grandmother, and her complete insanity on the subject of clean underwear. Mary had a daily ritual of asking me about the condition of my underwear in the same breath as the daily weather report.

I would look at her calmly, and just roll my eyes.

“What if you get into an accident?” she would always ask, like world peace depended upon it.

Now, let’s discuss this logically.

Let’s say you do get into an accident, God forbid. Does Nurse Jackie refuse you at Emergency for having skid marks ? Do the gynecologists have a long coffee break to discuss the variety of underpants they have seen all day long?  Do they prefer granny panties or thongs?

Who invented those embroidered Monday to Sunday panties? Did you actually wear the one marked Monday on a Monday? Or did you wear the Monday on a Wednesday and did it really have some deep meaning that we did not know about?  If you did get into that accident and were lying on a hospital table, would someone tell you quietly that you were wearing the wrong day of the week?

 

At age 6 I got hit by a car while waving to my mother crossing the street, and I can still see the fins on the back of the car today. I woke up on the living room couch with Grampy Crit handing me a Illustrated Classics comic book called  ‘The Story of Jesus.’  My grandfather asked my mother if I was okay.

My mother said,

“I think so, but I am so worried she didn’t have clean underwear on. We don’t want the town to talk you know.”

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About lindaseccaspina

Linda Knight Seccaspina was born in Cowansville, Quebec about the same time as the wheel was invented and the first time she realized she could tell a tale was when she got caught passing her smutty stories around in Grade 7 at CHS by Mrs. Blinn. When Derek "Wheels" Wheeler from Degrassi Jr. High died in 2010, Linda wrote her own obituary. Some people said she should think about a career in writing obituaries. Before she laid her fingers to a keyboard, Linda owned the eclectic store Flash Cadilac and Savannah Devilles in Ottawa from 1976-1996. After writing for years about things that she cared about or pissed her off she finally found her calling. Is it sex drugs and rock n' roll you might ask? No, it is history. Seeing that her very first boyfriend in Grade 5 (who she won a Twist contest with in the 60s) is the head of the Brome Misissiquoi Historical Society and also specializes in local history back in Quebec, she finds that quite funny. She writes every single day and is also a columnist for Hometown News and Screamin's Mamas. She is a volunteer for the Carleton Place and Beckwith Heritage Museum, an admin for the Lanark County Genealogical Society Facebook page, and a local guest speaker. She has been now labelled an historian by the locals which in her mind is wrong. You see she will never be like the iconic local Lanark County historian Howard Morton Brown, nor like famed local writer Mary Cook. She proudly calls herself The National Enquirer Historical writer of Lanark County, and that she can live with. Linda has been called the most stubborn woman in Lanark County, and has requested her ashes to be distributed in any Casino parking lot as close to any Wheel of Fortune machine as you can get. But since she wrote her obituary, most people assume she's already dead. Linda has published six books, "Menopausal Woman From the Corn," "Cowansville High Misremembered," "Naked Yoga, Twinkies and Celebrities," "Cancer Calls Collect," "The Tilted Kilt-Vintage Whispers of Carleton Place," and "Flashbacks of Little Miss Flash Cadilac." All are available at Amazon in paperback and Kindle. Linda's books are for sale on Amazon or at Wisteria · 62 Bridge Street · Carleton Place, Ottawa, Canada, and at the Carleton Place and Beckwith Heritage Museum · 267 Edmund Street · Carleton Place, Ottawa, Canada--Appleton Museum-Mississippi Textile Mill and Mill Street Books and Heritage House Museum and The Artists Loft in Smith Falls.

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