Easter Bunny Arrested at the US Border


Written in 2014

This was a parody I wrote in 2014 when American customs stopped Brandon Loo and Christopher Sweeney, both of Seattle, who had picked up some Kinder Eggs in Vancouver.

Yesterday the Easter Bunny was apprehended by the border patrol in Ogdensburg NY. The furry rascal was attempting to bring over 10,000 Kinder Eggs in anticipation of Easter morning. The US has had a ban on candies with embedded toys since 1938, and although they are illegal it does not stop citizens regularly attempting to smuggle samples into the country despite a potential fine of up to $2,500 per egg.

Kinder Eggs are extremely popular in America yet they are treated as contraband on par with Cuban rum. Customs and Border Protection seized over 25,000 Kinder Eggs last year.There are a few remaining illegal suppliers of Kinder Surprise Eggs in the US, but customs agents working the Canadian border have been alerted to the ever-popular “Kinder smuggling”.
The Easter Bunny had not heard about Brandon Loo and Christopher Sweeney, both of Seattle, who had picked up some Kinder Eggs in Vancouver before heading back south without realizing they were illegal. Their six egg stash was found during a routine inspection of their car by border police and confiscated.


“Are you aware Kinder Eggs are illegal in the United States and carry a $2,500 fine per egg?” a border agent asked the Easter Bunny.
“Does that mean fortune cookies are illegal? Am I missing something?” asked the Easter Bunny.
“You can bring your drugs, you can bring your guns, hell you can even try to smuggle your buddies. But, we put our foot down when it comes to a milk chocolate egg with a toy inside.” said the agent.
The Easter Bunny put on a stern face and said, “Remember when parents raised kids with half a brain? They told them not to put things in their mouths, and kids became smart enough to know food from toys. Now, everything has to be banned so parents won’t have to pay too much attention to their kids.”

“Well, we are working with a company out of New Jersey called Choco Treasure to facilitate the Kinder Egg”, said the agent.

“Do they have small ingenious toys in there you can assemble?” asked the Easter Bunny.

“No, there are just stickers”, said the officer.
Bunny shook his head and said, “Brilliant entrepreneur finds loophole; sells plastic bags for infants to play with. If Monsanto made it, I’m sure it would get a pass from the FDA.”

“As long as no one messes with my Little Debby Cakes, I’m not concerned”, said the agent.

About lindaseccaspina

Linda Knight Seccaspina was born in Cowansville, Quebec about the same time as the wheel was invented and the first time she realized she could tell a tale was when she got caught passing her smutty stories around in Grade 7 at CHS by Mrs. Blinn. When Derek "Wheels" Wheeler from Degrassi Jr. High died in 2010, Linda wrote her own obituary. Some people said she should think about a career in writing obituaries. Before she laid her fingers to a keyboard, Linda owned the eclectic store Flash Cadilac and Savannah Devilles in Ottawa from 1976-1996. After writing for years about things that she cared about or pissed her off she finally found her calling. Is it sex drugs and rock n' roll you might ask? No, it is history. Seeing that her very first boyfriend in Grade 5 (who she won a Twist contest with in the 60s) is the head of the Brome Misissiquoi Historical Society and also specializes in local history back in Quebec, she finds that quite funny. She writes every single day and is also a columnist for Hometown News and Screamin's Mamas. She is a volunteer for the Carleton Place and Beckwith Heritage Museum, an admin for the Lanark County Genealogical Society Facebook page, and a local guest speaker. She has been now labelled an historian by the locals which in her mind is wrong. You see she will never be like the iconic local Lanark County historian Howard Morton Brown, nor like famed local writer Mary Cook. She proudly calls herself The National Enquirer Historical writer of Lanark County, and that she can live with. Linda has been called the most stubborn woman in Lanark County, and has requested her ashes to be distributed in any Casino parking lot as close to any Wheel of Fortune machine as you can get. But since she wrote her obituary, most people assume she's already dead. Linda has published six books, "Menopausal Woman From the Corn," "Cowansville High Misremembered," "Naked Yoga, Twinkies and Celebrities," "Cancer Calls Collect," "The Tilted Kilt-Vintage Whispers of Carleton Place," and "Flashbacks of Little Miss Flash Cadilac." All are available at Amazon in paperback and Kindle. Linda's books are for sale on Amazon or at Wisteria · 62 Bridge Street · Carleton Place, Ottawa, Canada, and at the Carleton Place and Beckwith Heritage Museum · 267 Edmund Street · Carleton Place, Ottawa, Canada--Appleton Museum-Mississippi Textile Mill and Mill Street Books and Heritage House Museum and The Artists Loft in Smith Falls.

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