The Funniest Anti-Dog Letter to the Editor–Almonte Gazette

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Please note the name was withheld, and I am not sure I would print something like that due to any family members still being alive and maybe being mortified LOL

Read the Almonte Gazette here

pit

 

Dear Sir,

I’m getting fed up to my two teeth with the circumstances which are transforming this once pleasant neighborhood in Almonte into what is virtually a sanctuary for boisterous dogs. There may be those who delight to live in kennels. I question neither their sense nor their taste since I am not precisely sure what either of those commodities are. But for myself, I am averse to living in a kennel and, for the life of me, I can’t see why the passion for a few members of the community for barking dogs should compel me to do so. It’s not that I ’m unfond of dogs as dogs.

 

I’ve had dogs of my own to which I was warmly addicted. But when I had dogs I made a point of keeping them on my own premises. The dogs I dislike to the point of rabid hatred are other “people’s dogs that can’t distinguish between my garden and their own, free-roving dogs up to the size of small Shetland ponies that cavort in my flower beds, use my front lawn as a common latrine and scare the hell out of my cats which are never permitted to go abroad”.

 

In a weak moment, last spring, I invested rather heavily in begonias which, as everyone knows, have fleshy- tender stems that break off with the greatest of ease. By midsummer, not a single begonia was left unbroken. The chief culprits seem to be a close little coterie consisting of a greyhound of some breed unknown to me, a light brown hound of another breed and a mongrel pup of no particular breed at all. These three, travelling together on early morning tours of inspection, are responsible for most of the damage.

 

What prompts this particular outburst is their latest imbecilic exploit which was to chew into multitudinous holes 100 feet of hose which is kept neatly coiled, on a small concrete base around the water tap on the front lawn. There is no doubt about their culpability because my wife, rising early, saw them at it and chased them off with a stick. These are not the only dogs in the neighbourhood by any means. Good God, we seem to have thousands of them!

 

Only the other day a most grotesque looking creature, which appeared to be a cross between a prairie badger and a Norway rat, was trotting sedately past the house when he suddenly stopped and turned in to refresh himself in my garden in the usual way. It’s getting to be more than a bit thick. And, you can interpret that remark in any way you choose. I have unashamedly hoped that this canine plethora would be thinned out a little by police action since it is unlawful for dogs to wander, unattended, at large.

I have hoped that the mongrel pup which chases cars would some day ram its silly noodle under a moving tire. But I have abandoned such high-minded expectancies because, not more than a month ago, I saw this ridiculous and destructive creature pursuing a police prowler car which had to stop dead in the centre of the road, with squealing brakes, to allow the fool to escape.

Frankly, I don’t expect the police to abandon their fight against organized crime to chase dogs no matter how flagrantly the latter or their owners violate the town ordinances. And yet I can’t see very much difference between three vagrant dogs chewing up $10 worth of garden hose and a two-legged dog breaking into my house and stealing $10 worth of goods.

Each act is an equally unlawful invasion of property rights. And the owners of these untrained, undisciplined and uncontrolled beasts are just as culpable as the professional thief.

Signed an Almonte resident

Almonte Gazette 1923

Read the Almonte Gazette here

This is my Granddaughter Miss Sophia telling this guy kind of where to go. Shot by Hannah Southwell of Carleton Place

About lindaseccaspina

Linda Knight Seccaspina was born in Cowansville, Quebec about the same time as the wheel was invented and the first time she realized she could tell a tale was when she got caught passing her smutty stories around in Grade 7 at CHS by Mrs. Blinn. When Derek "Wheels" Wheeler from Degrassi Jr. High died in 2010, Linda wrote her own obituary. Some people said she should think about a career in writing obituaries. Before she laid her fingers to a keyboard, Linda owned the eclectic store Flash Cadilac and Savannah Devilles in Ottawa from 1976-1996. After writing for years about things that she cared about or pissed her off she finally found her calling. Is it sex drugs and rock n' roll you might ask? No, it is history. Seeing that her very first boyfriend in Grade 5 (who she won a Twist contest with in the 60s) is the head of the Brome Misissiquoi Historical Society and also specializes in local history back in Quebec, she finds that quite funny. She writes every single day and is also a columnist for Hometown News and Screamin's Mamas. She is a volunteer for the Carleton Place and Beckwith Heritage Museum, an admin for the Lanark County Genealogical Society Facebook page, and a local guest speaker. She has been now labelled an historian by the locals which in her mind is wrong. You see she will never be like the iconic local Lanark County historian Howard Morton Brown, nor like famed local writer Mary Cook. She proudly calls herself The National Enquirer Historical writer of Lanark County, and that she can live with. Linda has been called the most stubborn woman in Lanark County, and has requested her ashes to be distributed in any Casino parking lot as close to any Wheel of Fortune machine as you can get. But since she wrote her obituary, most people assume she's already dead. Linda has published six books, "Menopausal Woman From the Corn," "Cowansville High Misremembered," "Naked Yoga, Twinkies and Celebrities," "Cancer Calls Collect," "The Tilted Kilt-Vintage Whispers of Carleton Place," and "Flashbacks of Little Miss Flash Cadilac." All are available at Amazon in paperback and Kindle. Linda's books are for sale on Amazon or at Wisteria · 62 Bridge Street · Carleton Place, Ottawa, Canada, and at the Carleton Place and Beckwith Heritage Museum · 267 Edmund Street · Carleton Place, Ottawa, Canada--Appleton Museum-Mississippi Textile Mill and Mill Street Books and Heritage House Museum and The Artists Loft in Smith Falls.

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