Because You Loved Me –In Memory of Bluemist Volker Aksel




For weeks I have felt selfish and put off making that final call to the vet. When Axel fell down the stairs a few times on Sunday I knew I had to make a decision. If my boy broke his hip he would be in more pain than he was now. Was this the right decision? If his medication was changed could he live another month or two? Was killing the best friend I ever had really necessary? For the past few weeks there have been many doubts, grief, and overwhelming guilt. For months the pamphlet “How to Know When It’s Time” has stared back at me on the kitchen counter.

“My boy” still ate, played with his ball, even though I knew he could barely see it because of his rare eye disease. How could I know if Axel was really happy living like this? He never complained much, but the groans had become more frequent and louder. It took time for him to lay down, and he had stopped sitting months ago.

Last night as he watched Christmas movies with me I knew it was time, and so did he. This morning we both had our final answer as he stared at me silently from his blanket next to my bed. His eyes told me he was just going through the motions and his hips and legs might not make it through the winter.

Axel had always been known as the family dog who loved to bark at the neighbours and chase squirrels. He joined our family in 2004, but in 2012 when Angelo developed cancer, the bond between Axel and myself became very strong. After everyone went home the night Angelo died- the house became silent and forbidding. Axel came up to me and nudged his head under my arm, and from that second, that minute after, he never left my side.

Today he was so crippled with arthritis I had to struggle to lift him into the car. There were many last hugs as we walked across the parking lot to his final frontier–the front door of the Valley Veterinarian Clinic. My closest friend licked my hand one last time, and again, I wondered if I was doing the right thing.

Without him I am lost, without comfort and peace. His head on my knee healed many times of sadness and loneliness. When he was beside me he protected me from the dark and unknown things. My last words to him were full of love and tears.  I told him to wait for me, and to find me when my time is near. As I hugged him I repeated what I have told him thousands of times— that he was a good boy and I will always need him. No matter where Axel is–he will always be my dog.


Bluemist Volker Aksel (Axel) was given peace from pain at 4:00 PM December 1, 2015.

 February 10, 2004- December 1 2015

Son of Vontilo’s Storm and Bluemist Britta Ronny’s Girl

Brother and friend to Perry and Schuyleur

May he rest in peace- his family and friends mourn his loss.


Thank you to the Valley Veterinarian Clinic in Carleton Place for their kindness and compassion.

Till Milkbone Do Us Part — a story about Axel..

A Message From the Rainbow Bridge

In the End –All that is Left are Memories and Paper




March 2015





About lindaseccaspina

Before she laid her fingers to a keyboard, Linda was a fashion designer, and then owned the eclectic store Flash Cadilac and Savannah Devilles in Ottawa on Rideau Street from 1976-1996. She also did clothing for various media and worked on “You Can’t do that on Television”. After writing for years about things that she cared about or pissed her off on American media she finally found her calling. She is a weekly columnist for the Sherbrooke Record and documents history every single day and has over 6500 blogs about Lanark County and Ottawa and an enormous weekly readership. Linda has published six books and is in her 4th year as a town councillor for Carleton Place. She believes in community and promoting business owners because she believes she can, so she does.

35 responses »

      • Linda – I am so sorry for your loss. All of us that have pets know exactly what you are going through. When I took our 17 year old black lab on her final car ride I had doubts too that we were doing the right thing . I know in my heart that we made the right decision but it didn’t make it any easier . On good days and bad days they were always there and wanted to be by our sides. It’s hard to let anyone go even when it’s for the best .


  1. No! No guilt! What you did was a gift. It was the right thing because you did it for him, and not for any other reason. RIP, Axel. You were one lucky pooch.


  2. Linda, Axel loves you forever for the strength you had in letting him go. A beautiful dog, he will always be with you and I know he will be twinkling down from doggie heaven to you nightly, as my beautiful Klauser does. They ask for nothing, and give us so much love, and Axel knows you had enormous love for him. God bless you.


  3. Sending you a big hug Linda! I agree completely with Laurie – you’ve done the kindest, most loving thing you could do for Axel after having been HIS great companion too, all through his happy life. xoxo


  4. I am so sorry, Linda! We put our beloved Golden down almost ten days ago. I can truly relate. He had arthritis as well and like you, I wrestled for several weeks on that terrible decision. The house feels so empty and I miss him so much. My thoughts go out to you….


  5. As terrible as you’re feeling right now, take comfort in knowing that you did the kindest thing for your dear boy. It is always so hard to let go but he knew he was loved every day he shared with you.

    So very sorry.


  6. I am so sorry to read this and learn the sad news. I know from our discussions how much you both loved each other. Take comfort in knowing the love and devotion you both shared was unconditional. You and Axel are in my thoughts during this most difficult time.


  7. Oh Boss, I have read this so many times,even printed it orf and read it at the orifice (office). Now people who know me and a lot who don’t that a 6ft1 200pd Brit bloke can cry in public and still snarl when noticed. I would say it gets easier but as I found with FRed(tm) it doesnt seem to. Will be thinking of you both. Fluck,fluck , fluck………..such a lovely dog and a brilliant memory/post.


  8. This was so touching Linda. I have 3 of my own and truly hope I leave this world before them. It took 30 yrs. for me to have more “babies” as my heart broke losing my previous ones. 2015 was a tough year for us too. We lost “daddy” in July 2015 and pups still miss him, especiaĺly Shelby, the Siberian Husky bought for my late husband as he always wanted one. Shelby misses going to McDonalds with him on way to cottage. You are not alone – my dog walker put her beautiful hound down in July and another friend parted with her Bichon Frisee after 16 yrs. It is a painful decision but be comforted by the fact you did the right thing for Axel. Take care.

    Bonnie Adams


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