If You Die in Canada Do You Die in Real Life?



Some Americans think Canada is like Mario World but with hinge-headed people. Canada isn’t quite a mythical place, but it’s certainly a magical place. If you watch the weather channel, there is a difference between Canada’s temperature and those to the south of us. I would also like to assure you we are not zombies, but member of Parliament John Baird has already assured us that Canada is ready for a Zombie attack. Some have said Canadians can stand the cold because they’re already dead. So if you die in Canada do you become a zombie? Just watch out for Hockey…it’s a deadly sport.

Haven’t you seen all those zombie movies?

Where do you think all these zombie movies were made?

Most of them were made in Canada!

We Canadians have a natural lifestyle and national pride that doesn’t let our spirit die. Unless we stop eating maple syrup and being really nice to everyone, maybe things will change.  But really, who could be that polite? Not all Canadians are like that, but there`s just enough of us to keep it in motion. Actually 4 in every 10 Canadians have either an English or a Scottish background. As you know, the British are very polite, and because so many immigrated here in the early 1900’s, they sort of passed down their manners to their families.


“Died. In Lanark July 31, ’84. Mrs. James Kellough. In her 54th year.” Photo-Carleton Place and Beckwith Heritage Museum

I’m Canadian, and some of my American friends think I’ve been killed multiple times by beavers, moose, polar bears and other psychotic Canadian animals, only to come back to life. I once came back to life in Vancouver and needed a really really really big bag of money to live there, so whatever you do, don’t die in Vancouver. Or maybe even Toronto for that matter.

Canada has been a world leader in the advancement of rights for all and there are national programs to help people who need it. There is universal old age pension, national unemployment insurance, universal health care, and a year long paid maternity leave for all women, with job protection upon return to the work place. When I think of the difference in health-care for friends of mine who have cancer on both sides of the border it boggles my mind. No one would be refused cancer treatments in Canada because their health insurance refused them like in the United States.


“Mary A. Mayhew. Died May 5th 1903. Aged 65 Yr’s 3 mos.”  Photo-Carleton Place and Beckwith Heritage Museum

I think it has been said that we all have 3 lives–so if you die in Canada–game over! But I would like to reassure everyone that it is safe to die in Canada. Plus the beer content is higher here– that has to say something.

Author’s Note– Coffin plates are decorative metal panels attached to the top of a coffin. For a basic funeral, a simple lead plate would be lettered with the name, date of death and often the age of the departed, and nailed to the lid of a wooden coffin. 

Coffin plates go back as far as the 17th century and were reserved for people of wealth. By the mid-19th century, the cost of the plates decreased so much that almost every family could afford to have one put on the coffin of their loved ones. Later, the practice of removing the plates from the coffin before burial became the trend as they were often removed by the loved ones to be kept as mementos of the deceased.



About lindaseccaspina

Linda Knight Seccaspina was born in Cowansville, Quebec about the same time as the wheel was invented and the first time she realized she could tell a tale was when she got caught passing her smutty stories around in Grade 7 at CHS by Mrs. Blinn. When Derek "Wheels" Wheeler from Degrassi Jr. High died in 2010, Linda wrote her own obituary. Some people said she should think about a career in writing obituaries. Before she laid her fingers to a keyboard, Linda owned the eclectic store Flash Cadilac and Savannah Devilles in Ottawa from 1976-1996. After writing for years about things that she cared about or pissed her off she finally found her calling. Is it sex drugs and rock n' roll you might ask? No, it is history. Seeing that her very first boyfriend in Grade 5 (who she won a Twist contest with in the 60s) is the head of the Brome Misissiquoi Historical Society and also specializes in local history back in Quebec, she finds that quite funny. She writes every single day and is also a columnist for Hometown News and Screamin's Mamas. She is a volunteer for the Carleton Place and Beckwith Heritage Museum, an admin for the Lanark County Genealogical Society Facebook page, and a local guest speaker. She has been now labelled an historian by the locals which in her mind is wrong. You see she will never be like the iconic local Lanark County historian Howard Morton Brown, nor like famed local writer Mary Cook. She proudly calls herself The National Enquirer Historical writer of Lanark County, and that she can live with. Linda has been called the most stubborn woman in Lanark County, and has requested her ashes to be distributed in any Casino parking lot as close to any Wheel of Fortune machine as you can get. But since she wrote her obituary, most people assume she's already dead. Linda has published six books, "Menopausal Woman From the Corn," "Cowansville High Misremembered," "Naked Yoga, Twinkies and Celebrities," "Cancer Calls Collect," "The Tilted Kilt-Vintage Whispers of Carleton Place," and "Flashbacks of Little Miss Flash Cadilac." All are available at Amazon in paperback and Kindle. Linda's books are for sale on Amazon or at Wisteria · 62 Bridge Street · Carleton Place, Ottawa, Canada, and at the Carleton Place and Beckwith Heritage Museum · 267 Edmund Street · Carleton Place, Ottawa, Canada--Appleton Museum-Mississippi Textile Mill and Mill Street Books and Heritage House Museum and The Artists Loft in Smith Falls.

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