My Journey to Become the Future Queen Mum of England

This is a repost from  April 25, 2011 in honour of Wednesday.

A long time ago when our beloved Princess Diana was going to get married she had to take etiquette lessons from the late Queen Mum. Now that “Mum” has passed who is going to steer young “Waity Katy” in the right royal direction?

I figure as a fellow commoner I might be the one to take over the job. Yesterday I immediately sent my resume to the Royal Palace asking them for the position.

Dear Elizabeth and Phillip,

I understand that your grandson William is about to be married and you might need a bit of help. I believe I am quite qualified to take over the job of the late Queen Mum. Below, are my qualifications which I hope you find satisfactory.

My son Schuyleur looks a little like your grandson so I can bring him along to act as a double for William. He is the same height and weight, and has the gift of gab like his mother. As you can see from the picture, he comes complete with Carleton Place’s finest in bodyguards. That is a 2 for 1 special in itself!

Elizabeth, of course you will remember this dress that was worn by the late Michelle Cadieux. She wore this 40 pound dress that I designed to meet you a few years ago. I understand Kate has her own personal couturier and royal dresser, but please keep in mind I used to design the best of “Queen of Brothel Bertie”  fashions.

I know that for you to even consider me for this job I must have some experience with the Royal Court.  I present to you the above photo for admission of proof. This figurine was given to me by my late grandmother Mary Louise Deller Knight. It was originally passed on by my great great grandmother Louisa Knight. She worked in your very same court as a lady in waiting for Queen Victoria. What a small world! This was given to her by Vicky herself.

Sad to say Louisa was banished from court because she had what they called “loose skirts”. I wish to tell you just in case you are concerned that she ended up marrying quite well. Louisa married the Duke of Essex and her descendants down the line owned the trucking company that hauled the milk for the Nestle Company. How wonderful that the whole family ended up in the pudding business.

I submit for your satisfaction a picture of me taken yesterday in royal clothing. Notice how well the crown is made from items from the dollar store. Bodyguards would not be necessary as I have been told I have quite the ‘gift of gab” that scares people off!

In closing I would like to thank you for your consideration of my offer and in signing off – I salute you with the royal wave.

Very truly yours,

Linda Seccaspina

Sister blog–

FACT – The Queen is Not Affiliated with Freddie Mercury

Buy Linda Secaspina’s Books— Flashbacks of Little Miss Flash Cadilac– Tilting the Kilt-Vintage Whispers of Carleton Place and 4 others on Amazon or Amazon Canada or Wisteria at 62 Bridge Street in Carleton Place