Your house plants are alive, and you can’t smoke any of them.
That’s not really true! As I have grown older; I find my talent of killing plants has escalated to that of Lizzie Borden! I once spotted a leak in the hall that was coming from a hose that was automatically watering my neighbours interior plants.
I was in awe this middle aged man had so many perfect plants in their very own room and expressed my sentiments to another neighbour. Everyone howled with laughter and then I found out you smoked them.
Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question!
When I grew up everyone I knew had twin beds. Was it because of television, or who made up that rule? Did the Pope suggest it? I don’t think I want to even imagine what sex is like in a twin bed as I assume it is much like having sex on satin sheets. One bad move and you’re outta there!
6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
I used to be able to absorb the next day with one hour of sleep when I was a sweet young thing. Now if I miss one hour of sleep I am doomed for the rest of the day. I am no longer a 24-hour gal, nor a 8-hour one.
You hear your favorite song in an elevator!
I have many favourite songs, and when I hear them playing in some mall or elevator I wonder if they really were all instrumental or is it just my ancient mind not remembering.
You watch the Weather Channel
Doesn’t everyone else? If you are Canadian the first thing you discuss in a conversation is the weather, and if the other person fails to bring it up; you make darn sure it comes up quickly for reaffirmation on what the day will bring.
Jeans and a sweater now qualify as dressed up
Once upon a time I had two rooms of clothes with 43 pairs of shoes and 67 Victoria Secret Bras. What was I thinking? I have given it all up for comfort and wonder what took me so long.
You’re the one calling the police because those %&@# kids next door won’t turn down the stereo
That is why I keep the baseball bat handy by the door. Things get so verbal with some of the musicians in this building they give us gift certificates for seniors buffets as apologies.
Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt!
What was once paradise is now a chiropractor’s nightmare! And what happened to my neck?
Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one
That is even assuming a lot. If I can get through dinner and not fall asleep in the car after, it is an Olympic achievement!
Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset rather than settle, your stomach
I no longer ridicule Tums like I did as a teen to my father. I now consider them God’s gift and a mandatory staple and refer others to them!
If you’re a gal, you go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests
The only tests I now buy are for uterine infections and notice that condoms are now available on the regular shelves. I marvel at the colours, conditions and quantity and would like to interview these people for a blog called: “People having Sex!”
You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time
Gone are the days of pizza and warm Coke. Now it is gluten-free bread and watered down orange juice so I won’t get heartburn.
“I just can’t drink the way I used to” replaces “I’m never going to drink that much again”.
I once could drink anyone under the table with Jack Daniels straight. Now Jack Daniels is someone that lives next door to me, and if I was under anything at all I could no longer get up without some help.
90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work
Since I can now surf the web without assistance and cut and paste with the best of those who go to elementary school, I would say the answer is yes. Now I often long for a good television show and maybe a cyber Exorcist!
You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn’t apply to you and can’t find one
I have not read anything that pertains to changing your underwear after sneezing so I’m good!